Often people are shocked when they find out that I am married to a theist. Not only married to a theist, but married in a church to a theist. The shock that these people experience is due to their expectations of an atheist. Most people think of atheists as, negative, disgruntled, angry people who hate the church. The term atheist is often seen as being synonymous with ‘church hater’ or ‘Satanist’ or ‘pagan’. Which clearly has nothing to do with the definition of atheist, but, unfortunately this is how it is perceived by the public.
I am very happily married to my wife of 3 years. Both of us grew up in religious homes, and both of us understand the importance of each others beliefs. I do not think of her as being weak, or stupid for believing in the church. I feel that if she needs the church and her faith to get her through life, then so be it. I’d rather be married to someone who is happy and religious than unhappy and an atheist.
My wife accepts my atheism. Even though we disagree about faith, it is not an issue of contention. We both ‘agree to disagree’. We also don’t avoid the topic. We have open conversations about faith, and religion, and the church. Which I feel is both necessary and beneficial to our relationship.
I think the reason why this works is that we both chose our beliefs for ourselves and not because they were imposed upon us. She is not in the grasp of religious fervor so she doesn’t feel the need to convert me, or make me join the church. And I don’t despise or hate the church, so I don’t feel the need to drive her away from the church.
3 comments:
I'm pleased that you have such a gracious arrangement. It bodes well for many of the other issues in your life for which there may be different viewpoints.
Emory University has a Faith Development Research Center where "faith" is actually studied. Dr. James W. Fowler was/is? the head of the department and much of their research went into his book called Stages of Faith.
Their conclusion is that faith is not necessarily religious, nor is it to be equated with belief.
"Faith is a person's way of leaning into and making sense of life. More verb than noun, faith is the dynamic system of images, values, and commitments that guides one's life. It is thus universal: everyone who chooses to go on living operates by some basic faith."
I like that description of faith. Its refreshing to see faith referred to without the religious connotation. I feel that faith can almost be considered you personal outlook on life. In essence, how you reconcile the stuff that doesn't make sense. In this life, there is not shortage of things that don't make sense.
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